


A Terrible Voice

by earais



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2018-11-18 20:11:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11297985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earais/pseuds/earais
Summary: Sugawara has moved to another city to study at college, but not everything is going as planned: he misses his old life at Karasuno. However, one night he meets an old acquaintance he wasn't expecting to see in this unknown city. How will this encounter change his life?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! This is the first Haikyuu fic I post here. I hope you enjoy it and feel free to leave any feedback!
> 
> I'd also like to thank explodingpringlescans for all the feedback and help to edit this piece. <3

_Your studies are the most important thing right now._

Suga repeated that sentence again and again in his mind as he stared at the dorm ceiling. He had started college two weeks ago, and this was the first night he could actually rest. Even if he was usually able to keep calm in difficult situations, anxiety had kicked him hard. Moving to a different city, not having his family around to support him, meeting new people, solving a bunch of problems that seemed endless… And not having his Karasuno friends around anymore to train and go back home with after a long but rewarding practice.

It had taken him two entire weeks to adapt enough to be able to close his eyes and not feel his heart bumping in his chest and his muscles too tense with nerves to let him sleep properly. He would finally get the rest he needed tonight.

_Your studies are the most important thing right now._

That sentence sounded with a different voice every time he heard it in his head. His mother’s voice, his father’s. His teachers’. Daichi’s voice, before they separated to go to different universities.

His own voice.

He clasped his hands in front of his mouth and muffled a sob. His shoulders shook and he realized he needed a good cry before he could go on with his life.

He would be okay, he told himself, but the truth was that he felt terribly lonely in his dark room. He had met new friends in college, and yet… It just wasn’t the same as his Karasuno mates.

It wasn’t the same as Daichi.

 

_Your studies are the most important thing right now._

Whenever he remembered that quote, Oikawa felt like kicking something. The door, the wall. Anything. He wasn’t a particularly violent person, definitely not the kind to kick things when he was angry, but frustration had been piling up inside him for two weeks now.

Lying down on his bed, he chose to punch the mattress.

Punch, punch, punch.

Oikawa took a deep breath, the smell of the pillow invading his lungs.

He didn’t feel much better.

He knew why he had chosen to leave his hometown to study. He had always wanted to be an astronomer, right? His decision had always been so clear in his mind, and yet now he felt like he had made a huge mistake.

Volleyball was so important in his life, and he was sure he could become a star player in the next years, so he had immediately joined the university club and had found time to train every day, even if he was drowning in homework and subjects to study. It was one of his dreams, and he would fight for it. But his other dream was to get this degree, especially for the day when he would have to retire as a volleyball player. He had to secure his future through hard work, but it felt overwhelming.

He was probably neglecting both things in an attempt to fulfill both dreams, and it made him mad.

Punching the pillow, he felt frustration leave his body through his knuckles, at least for a brief second.

He looked at his phone and was tempted to text Iwaizumi. They had gone to different universities, and Oikawa had avoided thinking about it for a long time during their third year in high school. If you don’t think about it, it’s as if it wasn’t true, he had thought. But the day had arrived and they had had to part ways.

He wondered if Iwaizumi was doing better. Yes, he was certain that Iwa-chan was fine. He shouldn’t disturb him now with his silly doubts. Oikawa had chosen this path, and he had to fight for it no matter how many obstacles he found. Iwaizumi would surely remind Oikawa of how strong and stubborn he was, and would tell him he would be okay after all.

In his rude way, of course, but Iwa-chan would remind him of that.

A smile appeared on his lips, but his chest was in pain with sadness and homesickness. He wasn’t even the nostalgic type.

Everything will be okay, he told himself. You’ve always survived so far.

 

Suga didn’t know how he had let his new friends drag him out that night. Sure, it was Friday night and he didn’t have as much homework as usual, but he was tired and he would have gladly stayed at the dorm. He couldn’t even drink yet, unlike the older members of the group, but he wanted to know his new friends better after they’d helped him adapt to his college life.

They had ended up in a bar, or was it a nightclub? Suga wasn’t sure as he stared at the sign over the door. There were several people outside, smoking and chatting, and by the look of their clothes, it wasn’t supposed to be a very formal place to have a drink in.

“Suga-san!” One of his friends called him.

He realized he had almost been left behind as his group of friends had moved to meet another group. One of the things that had always surprised Suga was how his classmates seemed to already know every single student at college. When he had asked some of his friends, they had promised it was just coincidence. “I used to go to the same school as that guy and that’s why I know him, that’s all,” they used to say, and Suga would smile to hide the nostalgic knot that would twist his stomach.

Why hadn’t any of his friends from Karasuno gone to the same university? He wished he could have shared a room with Daichi, but they had gone to different cities. Life could be really unfair sometimes.

“You must be kidding,” a familiar voice said then.

Suga looked around, finding himself surrounded by guys he didn’t know. Who was the owner of that voice? He really knew it, and yet it wasn’t one of his friends…

“Don’t tell me you’re studying here as well, Mr. Refreshing.”

Suga gasped, and followed the direction of that voice, meeting a pair of narrowing brown eyes and pouting lips.

“Oikawa!”

Oikawa raised his chin even more, and Suga felt small. But he refused to let Oikawa win, so he straightened his back as much as he could and smiled. And then Oikawa shrugged, opened his arms and smirked.

“I guess you have no other choice but to tell your friends you know this amazing setter here. I’ll let you get advantage of my status, if you wish.”

“I don’t need your status for anything,” Suga replied, his smile becoming more tense.

Would that Oikawa guy ever mature?

He saw Oikawa blink, unsure of what to do after that answer. Holding back a giggle, Suga followed his friends into the nightclub, a world of dancing green and red lights welcoming him in a loud embrace as the music reverberated through his body.

Luckily for him, his group of friends chose a corner where the music wasn’t so loud to keep their conversation going. It was something about the professors, as Suga heard. They were mocking that very strict-looking old man.

Suga glanced back at the door in time to see Oikawa come in with a couple of his new friends. It was frustrating that the only person Suga knew from Miyagi had to be Oikawa. Why him? What was he doing here?

He forced his mind to ignore Oikawa. Shifting his body weight, he made sure that none of his body language pointed towards Oikawa. Why was he thinking about him anyway?

Nostalgia, wasn’t it? He missed his hometown.

Maybe he was just eager to find someone who could relate to his emotions right now. Oikawa seemed to be the only link Suga had left to Miyagi.

His group ordered the drinks, and they convinced Suga to try a sweet pink drink without alcohol.

He took the glass and moved the drink with a straw. The mix of liquor and strawberry smelled like pure sugar, and he wondered if it wouldn’t be too sweet for him.

After a sip, he nodded. He could get used to it.

By that point, a couple of senior years had joined the group, and they were narrating their adventures in class. A long cackle crossed the group as they explained how they had once barely avoided being caught visiting a room reserved for the professors. Suga followed their conversation with interest, laughing sometimes. College could really get absurd sometimes, and he wondered if he would ever have the courage to do any of those silly things.

His glass was getting empty.

Some of his friends moved to the center of the dance floor and flailed their arms and legs awkwardly. They were already drunk enough not to care at all about what the girls on the other side of the nightclub thought about them. Suga chose to look at the whole scene from the corner, though, taking the last sips of his drink.

That was when he heard the sound of a glass being left on the counter he was leaning in, and he met those brown eyes again.

“Don’t you dance, Mr. Refreshing?”

Oikawa’s smile wasn’t too wide, but it was big enough to show curiosity. Suga wondered if it was genuine.

“Maybe later,” Suga said, avoiding visual contact. His smile was brief and he hoped Oikawa didn’t notice how nervous he was getting by having him around.

Why was he nervous anyway? They weren’t on the court anymore. They weren’t enemies. In fact…

“I haven’t seen you around the club,” Oikawa said. “But you aren’t the type to give up on volleyball.”

“I signed up, but things have been hectic these last weeks. I haven’t had time to go. But…”

He lowered his eyes, staring straight at the floor now. He shook his head.

“Nevermind.”

 _I wouldn’t have a chance to play anyway_ , he had almost said. _You’re the great setter, not me._

He dared cross a glance with Oikawa for a second, finding the taller guy with his glass resting on his lips and his eyes pensive.

“You think I’ll take your place away, so you won’t make an effort to go.”

“That’s not it! I haven’t had time to go yet! But I won’t give up! Even if I only get to play onc—”

“You’re right. They’ll barely let you play,” Oikawa said then, leaving his glass on the counter. It made no sound this time, the glass sliding smoothly over the marble surface.

Suga flinched, and his fists tightened. He bit his lip: it was the truth. But it hadn’t bothered him so much in the past, right? Being benched wasn’t enjoyable, but he had dealt with it properly after Kageyama had joined Karasuno.

“It’s a pity.” Oikawa caressed the rim of the glass with his finger. “You were a good setter. If your team had given you the chance, you might have gone far. And yet, Tobio stole your chance to shine. Now you think you’re just a poor replacement. It really is a pity.”

“That isn’t true! Kageyama took Karasuno to nationals! And I played my part as well.”

But Oikawa stood impassive, piercing Suga with his intense brown eyes. Oikawa really had an imposing presence, and Suga had to fight the urge to become smaller.

“How do you do it? How do you deal with that frustration?” Oikawa asked with a voice deeper than usual, low but with a sharp, angry edge.

Suga barely heard it over the loud music, and yet he knew exactly what Oikawa was asking. As he opened his mouth to reply, Oikawa interrupted him, his voice rising:

“You know what? I don’t want to know it. It’s gonna piss me off even more.”

His words left Suga with a blank stare. What was that? Why did Oikawa act like that? But now that Oikawa had his arms crossed over his chest and an exaggerated pout on his face, Suga found him almost cute, and he chuckled.

“What’s so funny?!”

“You’re just a child,” Suga said, his hand on his mouth to hold back a giggle.

“That’s mean! I wasn’t expecting you to say that, Mr. Refreshing!”

The angrier Oikawa got, the less threatening he became. It was an interesting phenomenon for Suga and he felt his shoulders relax. He had been really tense all that time and he hadn’t noticed.

“You know what, Oikawa?” Suga said, leaning on his tiptoes to face Oikawa, who arched his eyebrow. “I’m going to steal your place as a setter, so get ready.”

And then he burst into laughter, uncontrollable. Oikawa blinked, his jaw dropping, and then he closed his mouth, pouting, and raised his chin slightly to look at Suga from above, as if he were analyzing one of the hidden mysteries of the universe.

“You should look at your face right now!” Suga kept on laughing, his hand on his stomach.

And then he heard it. A pause in the music, and the beginning of a new song.

“This is my favorite song!”

He wasn’t the kind of person who would sing in public, but nothing seemed to matter anymore. He was in a city unknown to him, surrounded by strangers —Oikawa wasn’t that acquainted with him anyway— and looking for a way to let his stress out.

So he sang out loud, delivering every word of the lyrics with all the power inside his lungs, which didn’t exactly translate into a beautiful voice.

But he couldn’t care less anymore.

 

Oikawa stared at Suga with eyes wide open, wondering how much that boy had drunk already, and looked around, scratching the back of his neck. It was embarrassing. Singing shouldn’t be allowed to people who could murder someone with that atrocious voice. And yet, Suga was there, giving it his all, his smile widening as he pretended to hold a microphone made of air. Oikawa slammed the palm of his hand against his face, sliding his fingers across his cheeks and feeling the heat accumulating in them.

His own drink was alcohol free. What tinted his cheeks red was pure, unadulterated embarrassment.

Maybe it was time to leave the boy alone and join his college friends, but as he searched for them, Oikawa realized they were speaking to a group of girls who laughed too loud to be sober. Oikawa sighed —he knew if he joined them, those girls would fawn over him and wouldn’t leave him alone. He turned around, facing the wall to avoid being seen.

As the song reached the instrumental part, Suga took a break from singing.

“No girl will want to flirt with you if you keep on singing like that,” Oikawa groaned, taking a long sip of his drink.

Suga laughed cheerfully. “Like I care!”

“My ears care!”

But Suga made a gesture with his hand. Wait, there’s more, he seemed to say.

And he screamed the last part of the song, making Oikawa flinch.

Oikawa scratched his arm nervously, glancing around. Nobody was seeing that, thankfully, and yet he still felt uncomfortable.

But he had to admit there was something cute in Suga’s newfound confidence.

“You’re so drunk,” Oikawa muttered when the song finished.

“My drink doesn’t have any alcohol,” Suga chuckled. “You know what? At first I thought I wouldn’t be able to pass my classes in college, but then I thought: a new place, a new life. I can do this. I can be the person I want to be. I can be brave and step out of my comfort zone. So why not sing in a place where nobody knows me and nobody cares if I sing or not?”

“I will sue you for the damage you’ve done to my ears,” Oikawa said with clenched teeth.

Ignoring him, Suga grabbed him by the collar of his shirt.

“I will take your place as a setter,” he whispered, their faces a few inches away now, and his hazel eyes piercing Oikawa.

The taller boy gulped. Even if he didn’t know Suga much, he knew this wasn’t his usual self. But then a sly smile appeared on Oikawa’s lips.

“I want to see you try.”

 

The following day, Suga finally went to the volleyball club, apologizing for his absence. He was welcomed by a bunch of players who seemed friendly enough, but Suga soon realized that he was going to be benched, just as he had feared. However, being left aside wouldn’t stop him from becoming a useful player in the team, even if most players had skills above average.

He was reliable. He had good technique. He was observant. Those skills had been invaluable for Karasuno. And yet, while Suga had been a good resource to address Kageyama’s weaknesses back in high school, the situation was different in college.

Oikawa was at least as reliable, observant, and skilled as Suga was. If not one thousand times more. Suga couldn’t really compensate Oikawa’s flaws as he had done with Kageyama.

It was frustrating. Suga bit his lip, looking down at ball. If Oikawa lacked a skill, Suga was even worse at that.

He had been careless the previous night, and he had spoken too much, too soon. Now he would look ridiculous in front of Oikawa. Why couldn’t he have met anyone else in this place? Why Oikawa, who would use any opportunity to mock him?

“You’re overthinking, Mr. Refreshing.”

Oikawa stopped in front of him and, with a slap, bounced the ball away from Suga’s hands. He looked up to confront Oikawa, but he only found a worried look in those brown eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Suga replied, his jaw tense, and stepped away from Oikawa.

But his fellow setter blocked his way, folding his arms over his chest.

“We’re not enemies anymore. We’re playing for the same team. There’s no point in hiding your problems from me.”

Oikawa handed him back the ball, and Suga took it with doubtful hands. He was right: they had stopped being rivals a while ago. Suga’s stomach twisted as he remembered those matches against Seijoh, the tension and anxiety that Karasuno had felt every time Oikawa did those insane serves. He couldn’t believe that was all in the past now. When Kageyama had joined Karasuno the previous year, Suga had immediately recognized his talent, but there hadn’t been a previous rivalry between them both.

 _How do you do it? How do you deal with that frustration?_ That had been Oikawa’s question the previous night. Suga pressed the ball between his hands as he thought of the solution that had worked for him and Kageyama: turn frustration into a new motivation to improve. Kageyama and Suga had both been setters for Karasuno, and the points any of them scored were points for the same team.

“The team over the individual,” Suga said.

Oikawa arched an eyebrow.

“That’s the answer to your question. That’s how I deal with frustration. The team’s success means more to me than my own pride, but it doesn’t mean I’ll stop fighting to play again. I’ll try my best to play as much as possible.”

Raising his chin, Oikawa gave him an arrogant smile.

“I thought you were going to take my place as a setter,” he said in a mocking voice.

“Just wait and see,” Suga replied with a gentle smile, and threw the ball at Oikawa, who almost failed to pick it.

This time, as he walked away from him, Oikawa didn’t try to stop him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Suga and Oikawa are teammates, Suga learns more about Oikawa's personality. However, Oikawa's complexity still puzzles Suga. Will he be able to bond with Oikawa despite his contradictions?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I'm so sorry I'm updating so late. My intention was to update the fic every week, but life happened and I had to face a lot of difficulties and obstacles (including a broken laptop, so I couldn't access the document where I wrote the fic).  
> But here it is at last! It's a short chapter, but I hope you enjoy it!

Koushi Sugawara wasn’t a threat to Oikawa’s dominance. He was sure of that, but when Oikawa bounced the ball during practice, he couldn’t stop thinking about Suga’s wasted potential.

They hadn’t played against each other much in the past, but it had always been thrilling to face Mr. Refreshing. Kageyama got on Oikawa’s nerves, but Sugawara gave him a different vibe. Even if Suga wasn’t so good at finding ways to avoid the opposite team’s blocks, that gentle guy brought an attitude to the court that Kageyama would never be able to achieve, and Oikawa valued it.

Suga was definitely closer to Oikawa as a setter than Kageyama would ever be, even when the latter had spent years copying him.

Oikawa bounced the ball harder before he picked it between his hands to spin it.

They weren’t rivals anymore, Suga and him. It was now Oikawa’s job to bring out the best in Suga, for those times when he needed to rely on the alternative setter. He had to hone Suga’s skills if the team wanted to stand a chance once Oikawa left the court.

And Suga was an interesting guy… There was potential for him to feel confident, as he had been that night when he had sung his favorite song aloud at the nightclub.

What a terrible voice, Oikawa thought, stopping the ball abruptly.

Hadn’t anyone taught that boy how to sing? His skills were atrocious. Non-existent. He hadn’t even been drunk, so he couldn’t use that as an excuse.

As his forehead was starting to wrinkle, Oikawa heard Suga ask behind him:

“Are you staying, Oikawa?”

He turned around to see Suga picking up the balls he had been using for his training session, and nodded. Everyone else had left and they were the only ones in the gym now.

“How long are you going to stay?”

Oikawa had an impulse to snap at Suga, tell him it was none of his business, but he bit his tongue. The expression crossing Suga’s face wasn’t judging.

“I usually stay one more hour, until I have no other choice but to leave.”

“Oh…”

Suga bit his lip. What was going on inside that head? Did Suga feel bad for not training as hard? If he really wanted to take his place as a setter, he would have to work harder. But was that crease in his forehead a sign of worry? Suga wasn’t worrying about him, was he?

“Hey, stay and train with me,” Oikawa suggested.

“Huh?”

Suga’s mouth rounded in surprise.

“What do you mean by ‘huh’?” Oikawa pointed at Suga with a threatening finger. “Weren’t you so eager to take my place? You won’t get it by slacking off.”

Suga pressed his lips for a moment, and he let his bag drop with a sonorous thump. He raised his chin slightly, accepting the challenge, and Oikawa smiled.

“That’s my boy.”

“I’m not your boy,” Suga replied, his voice dangerously low.

“You don’t need to get mad!”

Suga didn’t seem bothered by his words, and Oikawa observed as his new teammate picked a ball and began practicing drills. He wondered how much he could tease Suga before he actually got offended. It was an art, teasing people —each person had a different breaking point, and Oikawa wanted to taunt his teammates to exploit their strengths, but he had to be careful not to cross the line. Finding balance wasn’t easy.

If there was something Oikawa had really missed since he had started college, it was his Seijoh teammates. Knowing how each of them would react to his words, to his tosses, to victory and defeat. Knowing everything about their strengths and weaknesses.

And, of course, getting the same treatment from his mates, especially from Iwaizumi. Not needing to say how he felt before Iwaizumi guessed what was going on inside his head and scold him if necessary.

Suga would never be Iwaizumi, and thinking about it made his heart sink with nostalgia.

 

Oikawa would never be Daichi. Suga felt a pang in his stomach as he left the gym with Oikawa. It was nighttime and the lights illuminated the streets beautifully, but Suga was tired and felt the weight of melancholy on his shoulders.

He could talk about anything with Daichi back in high school after training, but now, in college, he walked in silence next to Oikawa, avoiding visual contact.

That extra hour training with Oikawa had been hard. Exhaustion didn’t seem to exist for Oikawa, and the great setter had made some powerful serves that Suga had been unable to stop, which only made him feel more useless. After years training with Daichi, Suga was still unable to receive the ball like his old friend did.

It was scary to stand in front of Oikawa to receive his serves. He had felt terribly lonely in the gym. When he was playing with Karasuno, at least he had had some backup against Oikawa, but now that he was training alone with him, Suga missed his friends so much that it made his heart ache.

It was so difficult to see Oikawa as a teammate now.

And yet, Oikawa had also stopped his training to give him some valuable advice. As Suga was still new in the team, Oikawa had shared tips on how to better toss to the members of their team, the ones that Suga still barely knew.

But now that their session was over and they were on their way back home, Oikawa wouldn’t speak a word to him. He had looked surprisingly kind and helpful back in the gym —at least once his serves were over— and now he was back to his cool and distant self.

“What are you studying, Oikawa?”

His voice was shaky, afraid that Oikawa would get mad if he spoke to him.

Oikawa turned to him, his eyes rounding with curiosity.

“Astronomy.”

“Really? I never thought you’d study that!”

“Why not?” Oikawa frowned. “What did you think I would study?”

The truth was that Suga had no idea, but astronomy would have never crossed his mind.

“I don’t know… You could be a lawyer, maybe?”

Oikawa chuckled.

“I get that a lot. Because I look imposing on the court.”

“Oh, no. Really?” Suga couldn’t hold back his laughter, and Oikawa joined in.

But when silence returned as a wall between them, Suga expected Oikawa to ask something, anything, in vain. So he said:

“I study Medicine.”

“I know.”

“How do you know?” Suga frowned. He didn’t recall telling him.

Oikawa clicked his tongue.

“Your face screams ‘Medicine’, Mr. Refreshing! And I saw one of your books inside your bag earlier. Ugh, don’t tell me —you’re going to be a pediatrician, right? You’re that kind of guy who loves kids.”

Suga gasped, and bit his tongue. How had Oikawa guessed that?

“I don’t know yet!” Suga lied.

“Don’t you dare lie to me.”

Oikawa pouted, folding his arms over his chest, and Suga had to make an effort to hold back another fit of laughter —Oikawa was ridiculously cute when he pouted.

They reached a crossroad and Oikawa came to a halt. His apartment was really close now, while Suga still had to walk another couple of minutes to get to the dorm.

Oikawa pointed his index finger at Suga again, a smirk on his face.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Mr. Refreshing! Make sure to sleep well, or you will never overthrow me!”

Faking a laugh, Oikawa put his hands inside the pockets of his jacket and left with wide steps, his chin raised high. Suga shook his head, but smiled.

Oikawa cared a bit about him, didn’t he? Maybe everything would be alright after all.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I'm terrible at updating, I know. Shame on me. Life has been hectic lately.  
>  To compensate for the long periods without updating, would you like me to update twice a week? Please leave a comment and let me know what you think! 
> 
> [Warning: be careful if you have emetophobia! I'm not graphic, but just in case.]

Two weeks had gone by, and Oikawa had just finished his training for the day when Fujioka, the team captain, turned to the rest of them.

“We’re going to karaoke tonight!”

Oikawa immediately turned to Suga, who nodded with excitement.

“No way I’m going with this monster here,” Oikawa groaned, pointing at Suga.

“C’mon! It’ll be fun!”

“His voice is atrocious!”

“First years don’t get to skip this,” the older team members threatened him.

A cold shiver ran down his spine. Oikawa wasn’t ready for that voice. He just wasn’t. It was true that after two weeks of intense training with Suga, he had grown a bit closer to that boy, and was becoming slightly fond of that gentle smile and his cute gestures and the way he always encouraged the rest of the team members —Oikawa included, although so far he hadn’t really needed it.

But not hating Suga didn’t give that boy the right to torture Oikawa’s ears. He was too young to lose his hearing.

He was lucky enough to get fifteen minutes to go back home, leave his bag, and have a quick shower before leaving for the karaoke. He regretted not having a pair of ear plugs —he would need them soon.

When he met the team again, he realized that he had dressed too smart in contrast to the oldest players, who were still wearing their training clothes. Oikawa groaned, wondering if those guys had any sense of hygiene. But when Suga arrived, at least he was also dressing with decent clothes.

Oikawa envied Suga’s scarf. It looked so soft, as soft as the owner.

The karaoke wasn’t far away, but it took them a surprising long time to arrive. Oikawa hated walking in big groups like that because there was always someone who had to stop, another someone who was late, and many people who just walked too slowly. It wasn’t that difficult to walk steadily for ten minutes, he complained internally.

He was the first one to arrive to the karaoke, and soon he realized he had left the rest of the group behind. He narrowed his eyes, clenching his teeth. Some people were _really_ slow. The fact that they were athletes only made him angrier.

“They’re so slow!” Suga said by his side.

Oikawa jolted. What was Suga doing there?

“When did you arrive?”

“I’ve been walking by your side all the time.” Suga chuckled. “You were grumbling to yourself and didn’t realize, did you?”

Oikawa pouted. That was definitely the most probable explanation. For someone as observing as he was, when he got mad he could really end up trapped in a bubble and ignore the world for hours.

“Like an old angry man.”

“Who are you calling old, huh?” Oikawa grumbled. “You’re actually one month older than me!”

He faked a thug voice unsuccessfully, trying to intimidate Suga by standing taller, but even if Suga wasn’t the biggest guy around, Oikawa had realized a while ago that Suga wasn’t easily scared.

And he liked that side of his new teammate.

“Ah, there they are! Our captain is a bit of a goof, don’t you think?” Suga said.

Oikawa smirked at the sight of Fujioka pretending to flirt with one of his friends.

“You must miss your previous captain, am I right?” Oikawa said. “He always looked so strong and reliable. You used to be vice-captain, huh?”

“That’s right. Do you miss being captain?”

Oikawa tightened his fists inside his coat pockets.

“Yes,” he admitted. In a lower voice, he added: “I miss supporting my teammates.”

His Seijoh teammates. He could easily adapt to any team he played in, but it didn’t mean he actually had good chemistry with the players. But his old teammates… Most of them were his friends. They had gone through victory and defeat together and nobody could replace them.

He eyed Suga to find the boy gawking at him.

And Oikawa realized he had shown his vulnerable side when he hadn’t meant to. Now Suga knew something he wasn’t supposed to know, and Oikawa felt his cheeks redden.

He was grateful when the rest of the guys arrived at the karaoke and they all went inside, the place dark enough to hide Oikawa’s face.

But he sensed Suga’s stare judging him, a soft smile on his lips.

 

Oikawa never drank alcohol, but he wished he did after that nightmarish hour in the karaoke.

It wasn’t a singing contest anymore. It was either a competition to find the worst singer in the team, or a challenge to destroy Oikawa’s ears in the shortest time possible.

Maybe both.

“The first years now!” A now drunk captain screamed, still holding the microphone.

Oikawa groaned. He had slowly found his way to the seat furthest to the microphone and singing wasn’t part of his plan.

“Suga-san! Come on, I’m sure you know this song!”

Suga’s face brightened when he read the title of the song. It was one by ABBA. Oikawa hid his face behind his hands. He wasn’t ready for Suga singing ABBA. Why was life torturing him like that? What had he done to deserve this?

This was payback for how he had behaved towards Kageyama, right? He was sure Iwaizumi would say that. Karma or something like that.

When every member of the team turned to him, Oikawa flinched.

“It’s a duet!”

Jumping up from his seat, Oikawa ran to the door.

“I need to go to the toilet.”

“No way!” They held him by the arms and dragged him to the microphone. Suga was clearing his throat to give the performance of his life.

Not even front row. No. Right by Suga’s side. Where Oikawa couldn’t run away to protect his precious ears.

“Don’t fight back! You have to do this or we’ll never let you play again, Oikawa!” Hashimoto, another of the oldest members of the team, threatened him.

He couldn’t believe this. This wasn’t a part of his college plans. He just wanted to graduate as a brilliant astronomer, play as the best volleyball player in the region —no, in the entire country— and make it to the national team. He wasn’t asking for too much. But he never thought he would have to go through this to achieve his dreams. Not singing in an ordinary karaoke.

Not ABBA.

Not with Suga and his scary voice.

He really felt like an old, annoyed man who had just been dragged away from his usual bench where he usually fed the pigeons, the only animals who wouldn’t disturb his bitter mood.

The song began playing, and Suga delivered the first lines. He wasn’t even in time with the instrumental part.

With a loud sigh that reverberated through the microphone, Oikawa squeezed Suga’s shoulder and tapped him when he was supposed to sing. This time Suga sang at the right time and Oikawa felt relief filling his chest.

There was a naughty smirk on Suga’s lips, and Oikawa realized he was teasing him.

With an annoyed smile, Oikawa put the microphone closer to his mouth. He wasn’t going to let that boy play with him. He had to save this song, no matter what. He took a deep breath and joined Suga.

Everyone cheered for him loudly.

“Woah, Suga, this boy knows how to sing! Don’t let him humiliate you!”

A challenge. Oikawa’s heart raced with excitement. He loved challenges.

But Suga simply shrugged, and kept on singing with his worst voice. Oikawa looked into his eyes, wondering if a glare would send a clear message to him: sing better, you asshole.

Suga closed his mouth, leaving the weight of the solo part to Oikawa. At last a chance to heal everybody’s ears!

He heard the applause from his teammates, but he could only focus on Suga’s impressed smile as he heard his clear voice. And then Suga joined in again, looking at him with dreamy eyes, and Oikawa was sure he would murder Suga at some point that night.

As soon as the song finished, Oikawa let the microphone drop to the floor as he groaned loudly. He had played intense volleyball matches that were less exhausting that singing a duet with Suga.

By his side, Suga cleared his throat again. He was tired, but a happy smile danced on his face.

The rest of the group were clapping and whistling at them.

“That was amazing! Give us another one!”

Oikawa filled his lungs with air and screamed at the microphone:

“I WILL RATHER LEAVE THE CLUB THAN SING ANOTHER ONE!”

Everyone closed their mouths, blinking at the suddenness of Oikawa’s complaint. Fujioka nodded eventually.

Suga, however, was choosing another song.

“You’re not done yet, Suga-san?”

“Just another one, please!”

“Go ahead! We’ve plenty of time!” Fujioka said cheerfully.

Oikawa let the weight of his body drop on his seat and wished he could disappear from existence. Only for five minutes, enough to not have to endure the next Suga Torture.

“I’m telling you this isn’t a good idea,” he told Hashimoto, who was sitting by his side.

Oikawa only got a shrug in response. Hashimoto had probably never cared about anything in his life.

“Wooooah, Suga-san! You’re brave!” The captain shouted.

The music started playing, and horror befell Oikawa as he recognized those notes.

No way Suga was going to sing My Immortal.

He tapped Hashimoto’s arm.

“I’m going to borrow your beer.”

And he drank half of the glass in one go, tasting the bitter liquid as it went down his throat non-stop before his stomach twisted painfully.

Suga couldn’t sing anything, but tackling My Immortal required some extra guts. Of course he was failing, scratching everyone’s ears as he tried to reach the notes and hold them.

By the second half of the song, his voice also started quivering. Oikawa had already finished the glass of beer and his stomach was in so much pain, but not as intense as the headache he was getting.

And then, as he narrowed his eyes to see Suga better, he realized his eyes were glistening under the dim lights of the karaoke.

“Dude, is he crying?” Hashimoto asked.

“I think I’m crying inside too. His voice is terrifying,” Oikawa grunted.

But as much as Suga managed to keep his dignity throughout the song, Oikawa noticed there was something wrong. It wasn’t just the tears Suga was keeping back; his weakening voice and his shaking hands spoke by themselves.

As soon as the song ended, Suga excused himself and left the room to go to the toilet.

At the same time, Oikawa felt a piercing pain in his gut. Something was wrong.

 

Suga couldn’t believe he had cried in front of the whole team because of a song.

No, it wasn’t a song. It was the meaning behind the song.

Thankfully, the toilet was empty, and as soon as he arrived he hid behind the door and let his tears stream down his face. He covered his eyes with his hands, as if that could keep them inside, but they only slipped between his fingers and dripped onto the floor. His shoulders shook and his legs couldn’t hold the weight of his sadness, so he pressed his back against the wall and slid down until he found a seat on the floor.

And as he took a deep but shaky breath in, the door opened brusquely and someone came inside, stumbling as he ran to the toilet.

Suga heard him puke and cough, get some paper and flush.

“Fucking beer! Uuuuugh. Disgusting!” He groaned, and Suga recognized Oikawa’s voice.

Suga wiped his tears in a rush, spreading them across his face, hoping they would somehow clean his skin, and pushed himself up to a standing position right as Oikawa got out of the toilet, passing his fingers through his hair as if nothing had happened.

Suga shivered. Oikawa straightened his back.

“Sorry ‘bout that. Wanted to give you privacy, but I drank too much beer.”

Nodding, Suga let him know it was okay. Oikawa walked to the sink and rinsed his mouth with water. Suga used the other sink to pour some water on his face, but it only seemed to make his tears rise again, and he couldn’t hold back a sob as he bent over the sink.

He felt Oikawa’s cold and wet fingers slipping down the back of his neck. Suga gasped. He covered his mouth, but it was too late.

It was refreshing, though. His head felt a bit less clogged now.

“What’s wrong?” Oikawa asked, his voice really soft.

Suga searched for Oikawa’s eyes, dark brown as chocolate.

Reliable, as the captain he used to be.

“I can’t tell you,” Suga said with a voice that was breaking.

“Okay. No need to.”

Oikawa’s fingers left his neck, and Suga felt empty. As empty as he had been after his last day in Karasuno.

“I’ll leave you alone,” Oikawa offered, walking to the door.

Suga grabbed Oikawa’s arm furiously, squeezing his wrist. If he kept it inside any longer, Suga was sure he’d go insane.

“Can you keep a secret?”

He regretted it immediately. Why would he tell Oikawa, of all people? That guy would only mock him or tell everyone else.

But when Oikawa replied “you can”, his voice was so steady and comforting that Suga believed him. He swallowed, his throat in pain, and with tears blurring his eyes, he whispered:

“I’m in love with Daichi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the new chapter! I had lots of fun writing it. It is, in fact, the origin of this fic: a friend and I were joking about Oikawa and Suga singing together, and there was another idea about college OiSuga, and I decided to put everything together in one fic.
> 
> Fun fact: initially, this chapter contained lyrics.
> 
> "~If you change your mind, I'm the first in line/  
> Honey I'm still free/  
> Take a chance on me~
> 
> Suga's voice just got even more atrocious as his throat got tired of singing, but he wouldn’t give up, and Oikawa couldn’t disguise his annoyance as he sang:
> 
> ~Come on, give me a break will you?~
> 
> To which Suga actually shook his head, denying Oikawa's petition."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I'm so sorry I didn't update before. Life keeps on being difficult and a lot of bad stuff has happened, so... yeah. I apologize for not updating before.
> 
> I will try my best to upload the remaining chapters now! Thank you so much for your patience and for your feedback! I truly appreciate it! You're the best!

Oikawa’s eyes widened, those words stabbing his chest.

_I’m in love with Daichi._

Why did he care so much about those words? Why were they so painful?

He opened his mouth, but he needed a few seconds to find the words he wanted to say. They tasted bittersweet as his tongue pronounced them:

“But you’re not together anymore, are you?”

Suga lowered his head, a loud sob shaking his entire body. Oikawa noticed a couple of tears falling to the floor.

“We’ve never been together,” Suga explained, his words muddy. “He… He has a girlfriend.” He sniffed. “He’s never loved me back.”

“Oh.”

Oikawa didn’t know what to say, but the pain in his chest dissipated and he felt guilty about it. Only a bit, though.

“But you’ve been here for a month now. I mean, distance helps.”

“I thought it would, but… It still hurts.”

Suga covered his face with his arm, sobbing against the inside part of his elbow.

“I wanted to be strong, but…”

“Strength is not measured by the tears you hold back,” Oikawa said casually.

Suga looked up to him, his eyes full of awe even through the tears. The light of the bathroom made his hazel eyes shine beautifully.

“If it hurts, it hurts. There’s nothing wrong with that. Ignoring the pain won’t make it go away faster.”

“Oikawa, you…”

“Don’t tell me. I’m amazing.”

Oikawa smirked, resting his hands on his hips and raising his chin proudly.

“Right when I was going to say you’ve matured,” Suga chuckled, his voice still watery.

Like a punch on the gut. Oikawa pouted and pretended he hadn’t been humiliated right there.

Suga leaned back on the sink, averting his eyes.

“I’ve always wanted to be a positive force in other people’s lives, trying my best to cheer them up. And yet, I often feel like I’m not good enough. Not a good setter, not a good person. But I refuse to give up, so I keep on fighting. I wanted to make Daichi proud of me. Maybe I’m selfish, but I wanted him to look at me in the same way I look at him… I know he’ll never see me as anything more than a friend. I mean… I deeply value our friendship. I wouldn’t change it for anything, and I tried so hard to be okay with it. But the longing wouldn’t disappear.”

“So you didn’t tell him, right?”

“What would be the point? To make our friendship awkward?” Suga laughed, and Oikawa sensed the bitterness in it. “I know he only likes girls. I just don’t stand a chance with him, and I didn’t want him to feel guilty about my pain.”

Oikawa sighed. Sometimes there was no other choice.

“I wonder how long it’ll take me to get over him,” Suga said.

“Until you find another person you like,” Oikawa suggested. “Just give it time.”

Suga nodded, his eyes still fixed on the floor.

“Just a tip: if you find a person you like, don’t you dare sing in front of them,” Oikawa added with a smirk.

“You haven’t matured at all!”

 

As Suga had to study more the following weeks, he stopped having time to think about Daichi. The club activities were longer and more intense as the first official matches got closer, and Suga used that time in the club to fight the stress of the day. Exercise felt good, and he was bonding with the rest of his teammates, learning about their playing styles and improving his own technique.

Even if he wasn’t allowed to play much, the coach was willing to use him sometimes, and Suga was determined to prove that he had earned the right to play. He was still fighting to become the main setter of the team.

But he had to admit that Oikawa was an impressive player, and not just as a setter. If Suga was completely honest, not using Oikawa would have been a waste of talent. The first-year had already taken the place of an older setter who had recently left the team, and Oikawa had adapted to the team like a leather glove.

Suga understood why Kageyama had looked up to Oikawa so much, even if their relationship had been tense. He was now the one analyzing Oikawa’s style and mimicking his movements in an attempt to improve his tosses.

Oikawa had noticed Suga’s attention, and he sometimes observed Suga with an amused smile on his lips. It put some pressure over Suga’s shoulders when he felt judged by Oikawa, but he pushed through the discomfort that was twisting his stomach and kept on working on his skills, sometimes a shameless copy of Oikawa’s. When he glanced at Oikawa after a successful toss, he got a nod of encouragement from the great setter, and Suga couldn’t repress a smile. Oikawa probably didn’t mind that Suga was copying his style if it translated into more points for the team.

“You should try to set the ball higher when you toss to Fujioka,” Oikawa suggested one day.

Suga’s mouth opened wide. So Oikawa definitely wasn’t annoyed at his attempt to copy him. However…

“It would be better to find what works best for you too,” Oikawa added. “I know you’re emulating me, but you’re not me. Finding your own style will improve the whole team’s game. Come on, you weren’t so bad in Karasuno! There’s no need to change your style now.”

Suga nodded, his cheeks burning. He hadn’t realized he had left his usual style aside, but the college team players were quite different from Karasuno’s, and he had been trying to compensate.

“You can’t be Mr. Refreshing anymore if you’re just a copy of me when you substitute me.”

Oikawa was right, but truth was heavy for Suga. How hadn’t he realized he was changing so much?

But he wanted to be the best. It was so important for Suga to get to play more in the team because if he faced Daichi in a match one day, he wanted to be the best Suga his friend had ever seen.

“I want to improve, but I shouldn’t forget who I am.”

He pressed the ball between his hands. He couldn’t allow himself to forget that again.

 

It was late that night and Oikawa still hadn’t finished his homework. It wasn’t really that difficult, if his mind would just focus on it for ten minutes.

But his brain had different plans, like making his thoughts orbit around Suga.

He smashed his pen against the book and tousled his hair. What was wrong with him? No matter what he studied, he would end up thinking about Suga. Constellations? Imagine going out at night somewhere dark and silent and watching the stars with Suga. The speed of light? He just wanted time to pass as fast as light so he could see Suga again. Equations? They made as little sense as his obsession with Suga. The messy handwriting of his notes? Almost as bad as Suga’s voice.

He picked his phone and tapped the screen aggressively to text Iwaizumi.

_I think I’m in love._

He sent it and waited for an answer, almost hearing Iwaizumi’s groan from the other side of the country.

A beep. He read the reply eagerly.

_whos the unfortunate soul_

Oikawa pouted. That had been a bad idea after all.

It hadn’t crossed his mind that he would have to tell Iwaizumi who he had fallen in love with. And the answer was embarrassing.

_Nevermind._

He left the phone by his side, but he soon got another message.

_DID U JUST WAKE ME UP FOR THIS_

“I know you were awake, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa screamed at the phone.

And then he typed:

_He’s a guy you might or might not know. He’s shorter than me and has a terrible voice. He’s disgustingly nice. I don’t even know why I like him._

And just a few seconds later:

_kageyama????_

Oikawa clenched his fists. Was that on purpose or…?

_I SAID NICE!_

To which Iwaizumi only answered:

_lmao_

Oikawa threw his phone on the bed and rested his chin on his hands, pouting. He had begun to swing his legs unconsciously.

He reread his homework one more time. It really wasn’t that difficult. But as he put the tip of the pen over the paper to write the answer, he stood up and went to the bed.

_He says he wants to take my place as a setter._

He was meaning to go back to the desk and do his homework, but Iwaizumi replied before he could leave the bed.

_like he could lmaoooo_

Oikawa nodded enthusiastically.

_Right?! But he’s so cute when he tries!_

He remembered Suga’s cute face when he analyzed his tosses.

_dont scare him off tho_

_what if he doesnt want to date u cuz ur an idiot_

_shittykawa_

Oikawa arched an eyebrow.

_IWA-CHAN!!_ ヽ( `д´*)ノ

 

Suga had buried his face on the pillow and was drowning in his sobs. He had believed he was too busy to overthink, but his mind wouldn’t give him a break.

“Daichi…” He whispered against the pillow, his voice broken by the tears.

His voice sounded so sad that it only made him cry harder, and for a moment he was unable to breathe, his whole body shaking.

There had never been anything Suga could do to make Daichi fall in love with him, and yet, for years, he had tried to impress him in every way, by being the reliable setter in Karasuno, being kind and gentle with the first-years, encouraging everyone when things went wrong… While all of it was in his nature, he had polished his personality to be the very best he could offer to the world. Whenever Daichi had complimented him, Suga’s chest had filled with pride, burning intensely with his passionate love.

And one day, only a couple of months before leaving Karasuno, Suga had seen Daichi on the street. He had opened his mouth to call him, already waving his hand to him, when he saw him approaching a girl who was waiting under a tree. She walked towards Daichi until they melted into a warm embrace and their lips gently brushed each other’s for a second.

Suga’s voice died inside his throat, and his hand fell slowly by his side, lifeless.

A single tear had run down his cheek and he had felt it roll all the way down until it dripped to the ground. Then he had covered his mouth, pressing his palms against it with all his strength to keep inside the echoes of his sadness.

He had known he had no chance for a long time, but there had always been a small hope. What if Daichi found out that he didn’t only like girls? What if the bond they had developed for three years turned into something else? What if…?

But all his “what ifs” had died in that second, in that kiss that didn’t belong to his lips.

It was the end of a hope, and it felt like being stabbed on the gut, twisting the knife and letting him bleed to death, alone on a dark alley where nobody would ever find him in time to help.

It had been months since that day, and it still hurt like the first time. He would never find anyone like Daichi, ever.

He was hopeless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had so much fun writing the texts between Oikawa and Iwaizumi lmfao


	5. Chapter 5

The college team’s skills had been average until Oikawa arrived. Players weren’t geniuses, but it was clear that a good setter could turn an average team into a good one.

Oikawa saw it as a challenge, and he loved challenges. It wasn’t just about the pride of winning matches that, so far, the team had lost because they hadn’t had a good player to guide them. It wasn’t about the praise he got from both his teammates and his coach, or hearing the whispers around the corners during the tournaments saying: “Do you remember that great setter from Seijoh? He turned his college team into an amazing one! They hadn’t won a tournament in _years_!”

It was about his own journey, about developing his skills even further and proving himself that no walls would stop him, even if he wasn’t a genius. Glory wasn’t reserved only to those born with an incredible talent, and Oikawa had a long path ahead. But the point of that journey was that he didn’t have to do it alone.

And to make the challenge even more interesting, there was this guy he loved and he needed to impress him, no matter what.

It was difficult to strike a balance between being an amazing setter and not making Suga feel resentment towards him because he never got to play. What if Suga’s smiles around him were fake, and deep inside he wished Oikawa would fail so he could take his place?

His fear increased once the team played the first official matches, in which Oikawa took the role of setter the entire time. Suga’s eyes followed him with attention, even if he also analyzed the rest of players, but Oikawa didn’t let it bother him.

At the end of every match, however, Oikawa would be afraid to talk to Suga, and would dash away as soon as possible without sharing a glance with him, even if that made him look unusually cold. He couldn’t stand the thought of Suga hating him in silence.

 

They had won that day’s match comfortably and the team had passed to semifinals. Even if Suga hadn’t been an active part of that success, he was still infinitely proud of his team. But even Fujioka had had to admit it was all thanks to Oikawa.

Suga was starting to feel proud of being in the same team as Oikawa. Now that he saw the situation from the other side of the net, it was amazing to have such a strong ally. What was terrifying as a rival turned into a new sense of confidence when he knew Oikawa was by his side, destroying the opposite team.

But the warmth he felt had disappeared when he had tried to address Oikawa after the match to praise his hard work and had been met with avoidance.

Had he done something wrong?

Suga felt his anxiety climb up to his throat, and he tried to swallow it. He knew the tension would only go away if he addressed the situation, but when he returned to the hotel they were staying in, he didn’t find Oikawa anywhere. He wasn’t in his room or in anyone else’s. Half of the team had met in one of the rooms and were chatting when Suga joined them.

“Have you seen Oikawa?”

“He left a while ago.”

The captain’s voice was sleepy, and Suga realized that, unlike him, many of the players were exhausted after the match. His shoulders dropped, but he refused to let his brain make him feel useless.

“Join us, Suga-san,” Hashimoto said. He sounded almost drunk. “We told you to come earlier, didn’t we?”

“Yes, you did, but I need to talk to Oikawa first.”

“Ask him to bring us sweet buns!”

“Yeeees,” Suga said tiredly. He wouldn’t.

“Now that I think about it… I think… Oikawa said… He was going to the bathroom?”

“Oh, yeah, he said that!” Another guy agreed. “It’s been a while now. Do you think he’s alright?”

“Maybe he needs help.”

They all laughed half-heartedly. Suga clenched his jaw.

“So he tricked you all.”

“What?”

“We’re in a hotel! The bathroom is right there!” Suga pointed at a door next to the bed. There was no one inside. “He didn’t go to the bathroom!”

“Wow!”

“Isn’t that like a feint?”

“He’s a clever one. We’re lucky to have him as a setter.”

The guys kept on talking nonsense —they really were tired, weren’t they? Pressing his palm against his sweaty forehead, Suga sighed and left the room.

“I’ll be back.”

“Are you going to the bathroom too, Suga-san?” He heard as he closed the door.

“Bring us sweet buns!”

What a bunch of idiots. They were nice people and Suga liked them, but they were so silly sometimes.

Or were they playing a joke on him?

He shook his head —there was no time for jokes. Oikawa had to be somewhere and he had to find him.

 

Suga found Oikawa not far away from the hotel, sitting on a bench in an avenue that followed the river. Oikawa was watching something on his phone, isolated from the world thanks to his headphones, and he was shaking the foot he had crossed over the opposite leg. His entire body was relaxed.

Taking a few seconds to think about what to say to Oikawa, Suga rolled his shoulders and took a couple of deep breaths. If he had done something wrong, they would talk about it and solve it. It was that simple, even if it felt like the most difficult thing in the world.

He sat down next to Oikawa and waited for him to notice he presence, but Oikawa kept his eyes fixed on the phone. Suga stretched his neck to catch a glimpse of what his teammate was watching: it was a volleyball match and, judging by the shirt colors, it was one of the teams that had played earlier that day.

“Is that…?” Suga started asking, leaning forwards.

Oikawa jolted, his headphones almost sliding down his head.

“Do you want to murder me or what?” He shouted.

“I’m sorry! I thought you’d seen me!” Suga apologized. He really hadn’t meant to frighten him.

Oikawa combed his hair with his fingers and paused the video. When he looked at Suga, he raised his chin.

“What do you want, Mr. Brute?”

Mr. Brute? That one was new.

“I was wondering if… Well… Why are you angry with me?”

“You just gave me a heart attack!”

“No, I mean earlier, after the match. You’ve been avoiding me.”

Oikawa averted his eyes. The river passed in front of them, serene, its surface sparkling under the twilight sun.

“I thought you were just tired when you avoided me after the first match, but this is the third time…”

Oikawa straightened his back, rolled his neck and pointed his chin to the sky, closing his eyes for a second. He sighed through the nose and said:

“You haven’t played a single match yet. I thought you’d feel resentful towards me,” he admitted.

“Resentful? Why would I…? Hey, Oikawa. You’ve played wonderfully these days. You’re taking our team to semifinals. There’s no reason for me to be angry at you. We have the same goal, remember?”

“I do. And you? Do you remember it all the time?”

“Of course I do! If I ever feel bad, I just have to remind myself that we’re in the same team. And… damn it, I wouldn’t want you to be benched! If there’s someone who deserves to play, that’s you!”

Oikawa’s jaw tightened and Suga could see the tension building up in Oikawa’s temples, in the wrinkles of his cute nose.

“I’m okay, Oikawa. If I get the chance to play, I’ll do my best, but you don’t have to worry about me hating you. That’s not gonna happen.”

“I’m not okay.”

Suga blinked. Had he heard well?

“What?”

“How can you not be annoyed at something that annoys me so much? How can you be fine when you have potential to be a good setter but you’re always forgotten? I’ve seen you play and you’re reliable and observant! Your teammates trust you!”

“It annoys you because you see yourself in me. You see the person you used to be, and the person you could become in the future because you’re too afraid of geniuses like Kageyama taking your place,” Suga said, averting his eyes. His voice had become louder as he processed what he was saying.

Oikawa flinched, his eyes wide open. He hadn’t thought about it before—Suga was sure of it— but now that he had heard it, Oikawa couldn’t escape from the truth.

“That’s the only reason why you worry about me: because you feel pity, because you could be me one day.”

Suga stood up, clenching his fists and turning his back to Oikawa. He had his pride too, and he felt insulted by Oikawa’s tone.

“That’s not true!” Oikawa exclaimed.

Suga shook his head and walked away.

“Suga!”

He refused to look back. Oikawa followed him with rushed steps and grabbed him by the arm. Suga tried to shake him off without success —Oikawa’s fingers dug on his skin desperately.

“Koushi!”

Suga gasped and stopped in his tracks. Nobody called him Koushi. Ever. The last one to ever pronounce that name had been Daichi, and it had been years ago.

And it hurt like hell to remember Daichi’s voice caressing his name with that soft deep voice that would never belong to his heart.

Oikawa was right behind him now, his hand still clinging to his arm.

“Koushi,” he whispered gently to his ear. “I don’t pity you. I’ve seen you fight again and again for what you want. There’s nothing to pity there.” He slid his hand down Suga’s arm, stopping on his wrist. “And I’m not afraid of losing my place to someone like you.”

“Because I’m not a genius who can make you feel inferior?” Suga bit his lip.

“No. Because you have worked hard for it and actually deserve it.”

Suga’s chest filled with surprise, but soon a feel of regret began to scratch the inside of his guts. Maybe he had jumped to conclusions because he had misjudged Oikawa. He had been expecting his fellow setter to be way harsher, and instead…

Oikawa’s hands moved to Suga’s shoulders and started to massage him.

“But don’t ever think that if you actually took my place, I wouldn’t fight with all my might to get it back.”

“Like I’d let you.”

“I’m sure you’d show me your claws.”

Oikawa dug his nails gently into Suga’s shoulders, causing him to laugh. He then slid his hands away. Suga felt a cold shiver.

“Are you mad at me?” Oikawa asked.

“No. And you?”

“Of course not.”

Suga turned around, looking into Oikawa’s brown eyes. They were gorgeous under the twilight sun.

He noticed the phone was still in his hand.

“That thing you were watching…”

“This is the team we face tomorrow. I was analyzing their strategy.”

“Do you always do that?” Suga asked.

Oikawa nodded and Suga bit his lip.

“Maybe I should have thought of doing that too.”

“Don’t worry about that, Mr. Brute. There are things more important to worry about tomorrow.” Oikawa had raised his chin again and his tone was back to the usual playful one. The one he used to keep his distance.

 “Like what?”

“Like…” Oikawa stopped for a second. His eyes danced around, doubtful. Finally, with a weak, fake smile, he said: “You should sleep well tonight. Tomorrow will be an intense day.”

“It’s a strong team, isn’t it?”

“Yes, but that wouldn’t make you worry, am I right?”

Oikawa’s voice sounded unusually dark, and Suga rubbed his arms, feeling the goosebumps under his palms.

“It’s time to go back to the hotel.”

 

Oikawa tried to watch the second half of the video after everyone had gone to sleep, but the hotel had gone silent and he could contemplate the lights sprinkled over a thick layer of darkness across the window. The scenery made his thoughts drift away from the screen.

He remembered how he had chased after Suga only a couple of hours earlier, terrified of the possibility of Suga getting angry at him. But then he had let his own instinct speak, and Oikawa usually spoke the truth not through his mouth, but through his hands. At the risk of coming off as creepy, he had given Suga that shoulder rub.

He had looked at that exposed neck from behind and wished with all his soul to kiss Suga’s soft skin, but he had fought hard to control himself —it had been bad enough not to control his hands like he had learned to do in the past.

It hurt to know that Suga’s heart still belonged to Daichi.

Oikawa focused again on the video. Those guys would be their rivals in just a few more hours, and he needed to be ready.

He had analyzed everyone’s style, but he found himself looking again and again at the same face, a strong presence on the back of the court, ready to receive every serve that came to him.

Daichi Sawamura. How ironic it would be to play against the man that had stolen Suga’s heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing cliffhangers~


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit longer. I hope you like it!

The soles of their shoes screeched as they stepped into the court, the noise getting lost in the cheers from the audience. Both teams met by the net for a moment before they began their warm up.

Suga analyzed the faces of the opposite team’s players. They were really tall and muscular, and he wasn’t surprised that they had reached semifinals. Seriousness was imprinted all over their faces, a sharp contrast with the carefree attitude of some of his own team members.

And then he saw him. That face whose features Suga had memorized years ago, and that would never leave his mind. Those reliable eyes, that strong jaw.

Daichi was there, and Suga’s heart skipped a beat. When his friend finally noticed Suga’s presence, he sent him a warm smile and a nod. _Remember our promise_ , he seemed to say.

Before leaving Karasuno, Suga had promised Daichi that, if they ever faced each other in a match, they wouldn’t hold back. Even if it had been a possibility since the beginning, Suga had never imagined he would actually have to face Daichi.

“Suga-san! We don’t have much time!”

Suga trotted towards his teammates and began his warm up, knowing that he wouldn’t play. His heart was still beating fast, threatening to leave his chest any moment. As he got closer to Oikawa, he asked:

“Why didn’t you tell me? You knew it, right?”

“What for? So you wouldn’t sleep tonight overthinking? How could it possibly benefit you?”

Suga dug his nails on the palm of his hand. He knew Oikawa was right, and had probably meant to help, and it really was the best decision for everyone, but frustration poisoned him drop by drop.

He wasn’t thinking straight, but he couldn’t afford being irrational now.

The match began and their team scored comfortably thanks to Oikawa’s toss. Suga watched from the sidelines how the team celebrated the point with a loud high-five. They had all learned to trust Oikawa so much that nerves were minimal now at the beginning of the matches and it showed in the accuracy of the spikes.

Suga doubted he could ever reach that level of talent. Even when he tried, he just couldn’t avoid blocks like Oikawa did, and certainly not like Kageyama used to do in Karasuno.

His eyes skipped to the other side of the net, following Daichi. He was focused on the match, and Suga could watch him comfortably. He recognized Daichi’s style, but there was a maturity in his movements that hadn’t been as developed back when he played in Karasuno.

He felt pain in his chest as he realized how much Daichi’s path had followed a different direction from his own. How time and distance were only separating them even more, and Daichi seemed to be fine with it. Sure, they still texted each other sometimes, but the frequency had decreased, and Suga had stopped messaging him every day, terrified of being too clingy. Daichi hadn’t seemed to notice.

A loud cheer brought Suga back to reality with a gasp, and he scolded himself for letting his mind drift away. He had to focus on the match. The opposite team had scored and Daichi was praising the spiker. Suga looked at Oikawa and his heart rushed when he realized those intense brown eyes were staring at him.

Oikawa knew he had been focusing on Daichi, and Suga gulped.

In any case, they still had a two-point advantage over Daichi’s team. As the match went on, there were a couple of moments in which the opposite team almost caught up, only to kneel before Oikawa’s powerful serves, which scored two or three points in a row. Right when Daichi smiled confidently one more time, Oikawa demonstrated his great skills and made his rivals sink into hopelessness.

Suga breathed into his hands. It was hard to watch this —it was like being back in Karasuno, facing Aoba Johsai. He didn’t know anymore who he was rooting for: his own team, or Daichi’s? Suga felt selfish for letting his emotions control his thoughts. Whether he liked it or not, he belonged in a different team now, and Daichi was his rival. While he didn’t have to wish him any harm, Suga thought he should feel more proud of his own team.

And he had seen Oikawa train hard for this moment. He had been by Oikawa’s side every evening after the official training session ended and everyone went back home, except for Oikawa, who would stay longer, pushing through exhaustion, cold, and even pain.

Talents weren’t born. They were made. And every toss, every serve, every point… They all rightfully belonged to Oikawa.

_Because you have worked hard for it and actually deserve it_ , Oikawa had told him the previous day. But compared to Oikawa, Suga hadn’t worked hard enough.

One of the players in the opposite team had to serve the ball. Thanks to Oikawa, Suga’s team had already scored 24 points. If the serve failed, they would win that set, and Oikawa’s serves had destroyed the morale of the rivals. The server’s hands were shaking as he prepared the ball. Daichi was frowning and his eyes were darker than usual. Oikawa couldn’t hide a smile of satisfaction. The server hit the ball, which flew over the net.

The referee blew the whistle. Out. The first set ended and Oikawa walked up to the coach with a small but proud smile on his lips.

Suga glanced at the opposite team for a second. Everyone was looking down, but Daichi walked with steps that Suga recognized immediately: the ones that screamed “I’m not done yet”. Suga smiled briefly.

“I wonder who you’re rooting for,” Oikawa said behind him, low enough so only Suga would hear him.

Suga jolted and turned around. Even if Oikawa still had that proud smile, it felt somewhat fake.

“I don’t mind,” Oikawa added. “But I’d be worried if you had to play right now.”

“Don’t think I wouldn’t fight with all my strength,” Suga said between his clenched teeth.

Oikawa laughed lightly.

“That’s the Mr. Refreshing I like!”

Suga remembered how Oikawa had called him by his first name the previous evening. He wouldn’t mind it if Oikawa pronounced his name again, even if it would be embarrassing to have the rest of the team hear it.

After a quick rest, they started the second part of the match. There was a huge change in the attitude of the rival team: they looked like soldiers ready to die. Daichi was a solid pillar for the team, prepared to receive even the most brutal serves.

Suga heard one of his teammates scream from his side:

“We’re gonna win this match! Show them who we are!”

Fujioka smirked and nodded, but Oikawa’s face was somber.

What was meant to be an unstoppable serve by the captain turned into a clean receive by Daichi. It was obvious that the change of attitude hadn’t only affected their mood, but also their gameplay.

It wouldn’t be a surprise for Suga to see Daichi turning the tables on them.

 

The first point came fast for Daichi’s team, and Oikawa clicked his tongue. He had seen it coming. Pauses in the game could break a team’s concentration and give the other one the opportunity to score.

It wasn’t his fault, but Oikawa still felt responsible. He had to make sure Daichi’s team didn’t score the next one. When his turn to toss came, his accuracy was perfect and the spiker he had chosen scored a point without a problem. But the opposite team didn’t let that ball bring them down, and they scored a couple of points in a row.

The difference was getting bigger, but unlike in the first set, now Oikawa was the one who had to bear the burden of a disadvantage. He breathed deeply: he could overcome this. His serves could be the key weapon to win this war.

He wasn’t panicking, but the rest of his teammates were uncomfortable now. Oikawa could breathe the impatience behind his back and he knew that was the best recipe for mistakes.

“Captain, don’t let them makes us nervous!”

Fujioka nodded.

“I know we can turn this around.”

At the very least, _I_ can turn this around, Oikawa thought. He glanced at Suga, noticing his dark expression. The hurricane of conflicting emotions inside his heart also left a trace in his pressed lips.

If Suga would just get over Daichi to finally see the sea of possibilities he had in front of him, in his new college life, in his new team…

In his fellow setter. Oikawa was afraid that nothing he ever did would be enough to impress Suga. He bit his lip and forced himself to think only about the match.

Soon it would be his time to serve. And then he would break the opposite team.

 

Oikawa’s serves were supposed to tip the balance in their favor and make up for the point difference. And yet, right when they were about to even the score, Daichi received the serve. Suga heard Oikawa gasp —he hadn’t expected the other team to receive that ball.

The second set had become much harder than expected, and the whole team was suffering. Suga could see from the sidelines ways to break the opposite team’s defense, but he couldn’t tell his teammates about it, and he was sure Oikawa was too focused on serving and tossing to notice those details.

If he could just tell Oikawa… Suga clenched his fists. He noticed the tension in Oikawa’s shoulders, and realized that his teammate was starting to overthink. Even someone as chill as Oikawa could panic. What was going on inside his head?

On the other side of the net, however, Daichi was becoming more and more confident with each point. There was now a small smile on his lips, and Suga’s hand grabbed his own shirt over his heart.

He missed Daichi so much. If Daichi had played on the same team as Suga, and together with Oikawa… They could have been an unstoppable team. But there was no point in thinking about that anymore. They were rivals, and Suga had Oikawa’s skills in exchange for Daichi. That was how life worked: some people left while others filled their place.

But could Oikawa ever fill the emptiness Daichi had left?

The sound of the whistle resonated around the court. The set was over. Daichi’s team had won this one and they were even, which meant they were going for a third set.

Suga’s heart raced with anxiety, and he ran up to Oikawa, who was cleaning his forehead with a towel.

“Don’t look at me like that. We haven’t lost yet,” Oikawa said.

“I think you shouldn’t toss so much to Fujioka,” Suga replied, ignoring Oikawa’s words. “I think he has too much pressure on his shoulders right now. A back attack could help us right now.”

Oikawa’s hand stopped moving, the towel still pressed against his right temple, as he stared at Suga with eyes wide open.

“I know you want to play, but why don’t you trust me a bit more?” Oikawa hissed.

“Because you just lost this set, that’s why.”

Suga folded his arms over his chest. He might be shorter, but in that moment he felt bigger. It pissed off Oikawa and that fact made Suga feel even more confident.

“You little shit,” Oikawa groaned.

He pushed the towel against Suga’s chest and dropped it. Suga barely caught it in time before it fell to the floor, and Oikawa had already turned his back to him to address the coach.

Suga bit his lip. Why was Oikawa so insufferable sometimes? Or was there something else he hadn’t noticed yet?

 

He just couldn’t be enough, could he? He had done his best during that second set and the only thing Suga had to say was that he should change his way of playing. Oikawa picked his bottle and squeezed it as he drank, his knuckles turning white.

He wanted to win that match as much as everyone else. If he had tossed to the captain, it had been because Fujioka was the ace of the team, a reliable spiker who was in the best position to score.

Oikawa slammed the bottle down as he left it on the bench. He would win that match and prove that he was good enough. Better than Daichi, in fact.

When he went back to the match, he glared at Daichi through the net. His rival noticed and stared back, serene and composed, just as Oikawa would expect from him.

Both teams were tired and as soon as one team scored, the other one quickly caught up. It would be a rough set, and any mistake would decide victory.

Oikawa forced himself to focus, his mind only focusing on the strategy he was following. He pushed through exhaustion, his muscles working against pain to deliver the best tosses.

One point for Daichi. One point for himself. There was sweat everywhere, clenched jaws, groans as the other team scored, words of delight when the ball fell on the other side of the net.

And then, as Daichi’s team received the ball and connected it, Oikawa saw the opposite team’s strategy on the spiker’s face. In just one second, he had to readapt his movements to block the ball. He screamed at the player next to him. One second late. Oikawa jumped with all the power left on his legs, but he wouldn’t stop the ball in time, unless his teammate jumped harder and…

A strong blow on his side threw him down and pain crossed Oikawa’s body as his entire body crashed against the floor. Confused about what had happened, and seeing the world as a blur around him, he felt a distinctive pain on his right ankle.

His foot had landed on the wrong angle. It had to be a sprain. A few seconds passed as his teammates called his name, and he saw the world clearly again. He sat up and wrapped his hands around his ankle.

“Are you okay?” The captain asked.

“Yes.”

He groaned as he remembered how he always got injured on his right leg —it was cursed. But his pride was stronger, and he stood up, pushing through pain and willing to keep on fighting.

“Can you play?”

“Yes,” he grunted.

He stood on his right leg and it gave in. Oikawa hissed in pain and knew he wouldn’t be allowed to continue.

Not being there for his team hurt more than his ankle ever would.

The coach was already telling Suga to warm up and Oikawa stared at the floor, feeling the weight of the universe crushing him. It was so unfair… He trusted Suga, but he wanted to keep on fighting. He wanted to prove that he was the best player in that match and the only thing he had achieved was getting injured.

The worst was that it wasn’t even his fault. His teammate apologized again and again, but Oikawa wasn’t hearing him anymore.

As soon as Suga was ready for the shift, Oikawa limped towards him. They had a few seconds to exchange a look —Suga’s eyes were full of concern.

“Don’t be nervous, Mr. Refreshing. You can still save this.”

“I’m worried about your ankle.”

“I’ll be okay. Don’t waste time thinking about it. They’re all tired, but you’re not. Make that your weapon.”

Suga nodded.

“I can do this.”

Even if he was still resentful at Suga’s remarks after the end of the second set, he couldn’t let that stand between them when Suga needed his support. Oikawa was curious to see how Suga would use the information he had gathered from the sidelines now that he was in charge of the team.

“I believe in you,” Oikawa said.

He ignored his pain to give Suga a small but sincere smile, and Suga grinned back at him. He was so beautiful, and Oikawa left the court hoping his cheeks were not too red.

 

Everyone’s attention was on Suga, but he could feel the intensity of Daichi’s eyes as they followed him. Suga gulped and dared to look at the other side of the net.

Daichi encouraged him with a nod, which Suga returned. For a second, it was as if they were still in Karasuno, and reality hurt too much when Suga realized that those times would never come back.

But there was no time to feel depressed. He remembered the positive side of things: he had learned to value the present time, aware that it was a unique moment in life. He now had the opportunity to play, even if it was at the expense of Oikawa’s health, and he had to make the most of it.

Suga had dreamed about that moment for months: the chance to prove that he had become a better player, worthy of being on the court and ready to help his teammates.

The team made an effort to save the next serve, and even if the toss wasn’t perfect, Suga managed to set the ball to the spiker to his left —one Oikawa hadn’t tossed to a lot, but who was eager to score. Just as Suga had planned, the ball fell on the opposite side of the net, and they scored a point.

As he high-fived his teammates, he noticed how Oikawa sighed as he pressed an ice bag against his ankle. Suga smiled. _If you had just listened to me_.

It wasn’t that Oikawa was doing it wrong his way, but Suga knew his plans would also work. And right now, what his team needed was a change.

That was his special skill. His teammates had gone from showing frustrated faces to smiling with a renewed confidence. Suga wasn’t the best setter in the world, but he could still be valuable to the team.

He needed to remind himself of that more often.

 

It had been a balanced set, so much that Oikawa thought he would have to witness it for hours. Every time they scored a point over their rivals, a new hope arose in his chest. But when Daichi’s team got that point back, fear oppressed his throat.

Losing that match wouldn’t be the worst loss in his life, but Oikawa refused to step away from that court without a victory. He needed to win everything, for the sake of his own pride.

Daichi scored again, giving his team the advantage by one point.

Oikawa gritted his teeth, his hand pressing the ice against his leg.

Even if Suga was fighting with no trace of hesitation in his body, proving not only that he had grown as a player since his days in Karasuno but also that he wouldn’t let emotions take hold of him, both teams were on equal terms. The change of strategy wasn’t enough to overpower the opposite team.

But Oikawa couldn’t blame him. There was something in those fiery eyes of the rivals that had made him struggle as well throughout the second set.

 

Suga had to get that point back. If his rivals scored the next one, the match would be over. He looked around, noticing the expressions in every face. His teammates were tired, but they could still fight. Imprinted in Fujioka’s jaw was a determination Suga had never seen before. They crossed a glance and Suga knew who he could count on. The captain, the ace.

He looked at the net and put his hand behind his back, signaling his next move.

The serve wasn’t the strongest one, and the team’s libero could receive it with ease. Suga inhaled deeply, getting ready for that toss. It was a vital one.

The ball barely touched his fingertips and he pushed it towards the captain, who was already flying towards the net, his hand ready for a spike. Suga saw the trajectory of the ball and realized it was one of the best tossed he had done so far in college. Even if he hadn’t had the chance to play officially before, he had internalized the advice Oikawa had given him.

That ball was always seen as the bond between the setter and the spiker, but Suga was thinking of somebody else —a bond with the person who had taught him how to toss to the captain.

The ball hit the blockers’ hands and bounced back. Suga stared openmouthed as it fell, only extending his arm when it was too late. A player behind him, whose face he couldn’t see, attempted to save the ball, which hit the floor only a few inches away from his hand.

The whistle echoed around the court announcing the end of the match, and Suga needed a few seconds to process the fact that they had lost.

His toss had been perfect, but victory had slipped away from his fingers.

Fujioka tapped his shoulder, and Suga looked up to his face. His lips were tightly pressed, holding back his frustration.

“We did our best. No regrets. That was a perfect toss, Suga.”

Suga nodded. _No regrets_. The captain was right.

Just as he expected, as soon as they had an opportunity, Daichi walked up to Suga to talk.

“That was a great match!” Daichi grinned, greeting Suga like in the old times.

Feeling a pang of nostalgia, Suga scratched the back of his neck and giggled.

“Well, you were the ones who won… Congrats, Daichi. You’ve grown a lot as a player.”

“I was going to say the same thing about you!” Daichi laughed. “Even if you didn’t play much, it was so pleasant to see you again. And you didn’t make it easy for us! But tell me a thing: you’ve learned something from Oikawa, am I right?”

Suga glanced at Oikawa, who was talking to the coach. He was limping around and Suga wondered if he would be okay.

“It’s impossible not to.”

“How’s it like to play in the same team as him?”

“Well, it’s…” Suga paused for a moment. How was it like? He remembered the first days of his third year, when Hinata and Kageyama couldn’t stand each other. “He isn’t that bad, you know? I think he actually cares a lot about people.”

“You think so?”

Daichi’s question was full of genuine curiosity.

“I do.”

They shared a warm laugh, a precious moment that Suga treasured, aware of how fast it’d be gone.

“I’m proud of you, Suga. I’m sure you’ll go far, even with Oikawa in the team. I know you won’t let him take your place all the time.”

“Of course not! In fact, I promised him I’d steal his place,” Suga said.

His smile felt more natural now as it widened.

“It was accidental today, but next time I’ll make sure I earn it,” he added. “Doesn’t mean I won’t use it to rub it in his face.”

“I’m sure you will!” Daichi burst into laughter. “It’s time to leave, Suga, but I hope we face each other again in the future.”

Daichi reached out for a handshake.

“Sure! Can’t wait for the next time. I’ll be rooting for you in the final!”

 

“I won’t,” Oikawa pouted. “Why would I root for him?”

Of course Suga would root for Daichi in the final. Of course he wouldn’t be mad after the loss. What a disgustingly perfect guy. Oikawa limped his way out of the court, and Suga offered to help him walk. While Oikawa refused his help at first, he ended up leaning on him.

“By the way, Oikawa, I took your place as a setter today,” Suga said casually.

Oikawa groaned. It was obvious Suga was waiting for him to lean on his shoulder to remind him of that detail.

“I fell on purpose to give you a chance to play.”

“Find a better excuse next time,” Suga giggled.

As mad as he was after losing, and as much as his ankle hurt, Oikawa had to admit that Suga was terribly cute.

But there was something annoying in that smile.

“Are you happy that we lost?”

“What?”

“You are smiling, Mr. Refreshing. Did you want Sawamura to win?”

“No, it’s not that. I know we’ve lost, and it’s frustrating, but… I feel like I needed this, somehow. I was afraid of playing.”

Oikawa frowned. Afraid?

“I couldn’t stop thinking: what if I play and I realize I’ll never be a good setter? What if I fail when my team needs me the most? But I know I gave it my all today. We didn’t lose for a big difference, right? Which means next time we can win. And everyone saw that. _Everyone_.”

Including Daichi, of course.

“You were afraid of being left behind,” Oikawa muttered. “Not just in our team, but also by Daichi.”

Suga pressed his lips, focusing on his shoes.

“He got to play much more than me last year. He’s… more reliable, in a way.”

Oikawa squeezed Suga’s arm, shaking it gently.

“No, you’re reliable as well.”

Before Suga could open his mouth to reply, Oikawa added:

“I was scared when I saw I couldn’t play anymore, but I knew you wouldn’t fail me.”

A weak smile appeared on Suga’s lips, growing shyly.

“You were my crutch back there, Koushi,” he whispered. “Don’t you ever forget that.”

A hint of red dyed Suga’s cheeks.

“But I didn’t toss that much to the captain!” Oikawa added, aware that if he didn’t change the topic now, the conversation would become too awkward. “He’s a reliable spiker and he wanted to hit my tosses!”

“You set to him too much!” Suga punched him on the back. If it was supposed to be a friendly gesture, it was a bit too painful for Oikawa. “Variety is the key to success!”

“Ugh!”

 

Oikawa’s body was surprisingly warm. As Suga helped him out of the gymnasium, he realized how comforting it was to have him close.

Even if he didn’t want to admit it to himself, talking to Daichi had brought back too many memories. As they had laughed together again, Suga had hidden his sadness behind a smile. But it was time he stopped clinging to his old teammate.

He had been heartbroken when he had left Karasuno because he had relied too much on Daichi’s presence. Only now Suga was beginning to admit it.

College had looked scary because Suga wouldn’t have Daichi by his side anymore, and he was terrified of not finding another person like him. But as much as it had worried him to have Oikawa as a teammate in the college volleyball club, Suga couldn’t deny he had learned something invaluable from his fellow setter.

He wasn’t hiding anymore. They relied on each other, and Oikawa benefited from Suga as much as Suga learned from Oikawa.

As they waited for the bus to pick them up, with Oikawa still leaning on him —for someone who had refused his help at first, Oikawa sure was clingy—Suga let the arm he was using to support Oikawa fall down all the way across his back towards Oikawa’s waist. His hand fit the side of Oikawa’s body perfectly.

“You know what, Oikawa?”

“What,” Oikawa pouted.

“I’m sure you’re ticklish as hell.”

Before he could even tickle him, Oikawa jumped backwards on his healthy leg, hopping away from Suga, panic distorting his face.

“I’m not! I promise you I’m not!”

Suga burst into laughter —Oikawa’s face was ridiculous. Even if that was supposed to be a sad day, he really couldn’t stop smiling.

College really wasn’t that bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting closer to the end!


	7. Chapter 7

Just as Oikawa had suspected he would at the beginning of the academic year, he was having trouble keeping up with his studies and volleyball. And if he didn’t have enough problems already, he also had to deal with his annoying crush.

Nothing seemed to go the right way.

Suga had been much happier since their loss in the tournament semifinals. Everybody just assumed it was Suga’s usual optimism speaking, but Oikawa was sure it came from the satisfaction of taking his place as a setter and realizing he was better than expected.

It made him both happy and frustrated to see Suga being so comfortable on the court now. Why couldn’t Oikawa get some of that confidence as well? Sure, the ankle sprain hadn’t been too serious and he had been back on the court in a week, but the poisoning bitterness from losing wouldn’t go away so easily.

They were losing matches, and he knew it wasn’t entirely his fault. The team had several weaknesses they still had to address, and not every player took it as seriously as Oikawa did. Suga was also training hard, but even if the setter was the pillar of the team, there was only so much they could do for a player who didn’t care about winning or losing.

If Oikawa kept on facing defeat, he would never be noticed as a player worthy of being in a national team. But if he didn’t train hard, his chances would be reduced to zero. And yet, by staying extra hours training every day, he was neglecting his studies.

He was meaning to stay longer than the rest of the team that evening as well, until Suga announced he was leaving with the rest of the guys.

“I have an important exam in a week and I need to study. I’m quite stressed lately.”

Oikawa bounced the ball, staring at it. He avoided Suga’s eyes as he said:

“I have an exam too.”

“You should leave now as well and focus on it.”

“But—!”

“You’ve already trained enough today!” Suga’s voice was firm but soft. “You already train more than enough every day. You can allow yourself time for other things too. Volleyball is taking over your life, but one day you’ll stop playing and you’ll realize you need to do something else for a living.”

Oikawa pressed the ball between his hands. It wouldn’t change its shape, no matter how much force he applied.

“But volleyball is my life,” he whispered.

“I know. But there’s more to life than volleyball. Hey, I know you are struggling to find time for everything, but you can do this. Why don’t we study together this evening? Maybe we could help each other be more efficient.”

Pressing his lips, Oikawa was about to shake his head when Suga added:

“I’ll be waiting outside.”

Even if Suga’s words were smooth, Oikawa realized that Suga was expecting his denial. And he had known exactly how to act to force Oikawa to leave the gymnasium earlier that day.

Since when did Suga know him so well? The truth was that they had already spent a few months together. They had teased and mocked each other endlessly, and Suga was observant.

It was only natural that Suga would eventually see Oikawa as the person he really was, instead of the person he pretended to be.

It didn’t help him deal with his crush.

 

Suga was still surprised that Oikawa had complied. The tall, imposing player had actually dropped the ball, picked up his bag and left the gymnasium.

Sure, he had been pouting the entire way to his apartment, and had looked so close to throwing a tantrum if Suga dared open his mouth, but he had obeyed, and that was what truly mattered.

It was the first time Suga visited Oikawa’s apartment. It was small and not the tidiest in the world, but for a student’s standards it was pretty organized —as expected from someone as meticulous as Oikawa, even if he had no free time to clean everything. They had agreed to study there because it was too late to go to the library, and Suga’s dorm didn’t allow outsiders to stay inside.

“Want some tea?”

“Oh, sure.”

Suga blinked. So Oikawa wasn’t really angry at him, but instead was worried about something. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have offered to prepare tea.

“Oikawa…” Suga scratched the back of his neck. What should he say? Oikawa turned to him and Suga felt the pressure to speak. “Is everything okay?”

Oikawa tilted his head. He said nothing, just stared at Suga.

“I mean… You’re obviously worried about something,” Suga explained. “Are you struggling with your studies?”

Oikawa sat down on the floor, legs crossed, resting his chin on his hand. Suga dropped his bag and sat comfortably as well.

“I’m struggling with volleyball.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think I made a mistake.”

He wasn’t making any sense, but there was something in Oikawa’s eyes, which were staring now at the wall, that made Suga think he was putting his thoughts in order aloud. And testing the grounds to make sure he could trust Suga.

“Is this about the match we lost a month ago?”

“No.” He shook his head. “I want to become a professional player, and I know I should have chosen a different university, one with a powerful volleyball club. But I thought…” He sighed. “I thought I could bring any team to success, as I did with Seijoh. Well, not that I could make it to nationals with Seijoh, but…”

His words drifted away, followed by silence.

“And I refuse to play on the same team as Ushijima. It just…” He clenched his fist. “It doesn’t feel right.”

“But you’ll have to play on the same team eventually, if you become a professional player. If you end up in the national team…”

“That’s very optimistic, not unlike you.” Oikawa laughed bitterly. “But we all know there are better setters to make it to the national team.”

Kageyama. Suga bit his lip.

“A national team isn’t made up of only one setter. You have enough talent to end up playing in it.”

“There are enough wonderful setters in this country already. I won’t make it.”

Oikawa’s smile was so bitter, so full of pain, that Suga couldn’t take it anymore. He leaned towards Oikawa and hit his head with a strong karate chop.

“Ouch! So mean, Mr. Brute!” Oikawa shouted.

He pressed his hands against his head. There were a couple of tears in his eyes.

“Stop being so negative! Since when are you like this? I thought you were a fighter! When have you ever given up on your dreams?”

“But did you have to try to murder me like that?!”

“If you really want to become a part of the national team, you’ll find a way! You’ll fight hard for it, as you always do!”

Oikawa was still hissing from the pain, and Suga ruffled his hair, wondering if maybe he had been too brutal.

“Just like Iwa-chan,” Oikawa moaned. “Are you guys made of iron or what?”

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… I’m so sorry.”

The water was boiling and Suga got up to pour it on the mugs. When he gave one to Oikawa, he found him pouting and rubbing his head.

“Does it hurt?”

“Of course it hurts!”

Oikawa took a sip of tea. Noisily, showing his anger in every way he could, until he had to run to the fridge to take a sip of cold water because he had burned his tongue. Then he glared at Suga.

“It’s not my fault. You know tea burns.”

“Shut up. You’re a doctor, aren’t you? You should be healing me.”

“There’s little I can do,” Suga shrugged.

“Oh, right! Because you only want to heal kids, so you won’t heal an adult, right?”

Oikawa’s finger pointed at Suga accusingly.

“That’s right. So I don’t have a problem healing a child like you.”

Oikawa opened his mouth to reply before he processed what Suga had just said, and his eyes widened. Suga arched his eyebrow, smirking.

“You’re so mean!”

Suga bent over laughing. That face had been too precious.

“So, so mean!” Oikawa stomped across the room and sat down again.

They both took out their notes and books and started reading, Oikawa turning the pages brusquely, making as much noise as he could.

“I’m not going to give up,” Oikawa said after a while. “But I need a plan B, and right now, I doubt our team can ever make it to the finals. Our team is too far away from my goals.”

“Why did you choose this university, though? I know you don’t want to play with Ushijima, but there are plenty of other universities with interesting teams.”

“This was the only one that offered the degree I want to study and a decent volleyball club.”

“So if you want to chase one of your dreams, you need to give up on the other.”

“If I’m not capable of making this team shine so I can be noticed as a player, I’ll have to go to another university with a better volleyball club.”

“And study a different degree.” Suga realized.

“And leave the people I’ve met here,” Oikawa muttered, glancing away.

He picked his notes and read them silently, not allowing any additions to the conversation.

Suga looked at Oikawa, who seemed so focused on the subject in front of him —except that his brow was too furrowed, and his lips too tense, and his fingers were grabbing the notes with such force that they were wrinkling the paper.

As much as he was trying, Oikawa couldn’t focus on studying, even if he desperately needed to pass that exam.

Otherwise, he would end up leaving the volleyball club. No, Suga knew Oikawa would never do that.

He would switch universities, and Suga wouldn’t see him anymore.

And he realized his chest was in pain. He didn’t want to lose Oikawa as well, even if that meant that he got to play much more as a setter.

It wasn’t fear driving his thoughts. It wasn’t that he felt safer playing in a team with a great setter who could cover for his mistakes.

He pressed his hand against his mouth, realizing he had felt like this before. It had been a fear he had suffered repeatedly during his last year in Karasuno.

The fear of losing Daichi.

Suga had thought he’d never feel anything like that anymore. Such an emotion was unexpected, but he knew he couldn’t fight it back.

He didn’t want to lose the warmth he had felt as he had helped Oikawa out of the gymnasium after their match. It had become too precious for him.


	8. Chapter 8

His effort hadn’t meant a thing. When Oikawa got his grade on his test, he simply sighed. It had been a disaster, so failing wasn’t shocking.

He knew what the problem was, and it was time to accept that there would be no other solution than to study in another university.

A failure. That was what he was. He had seen it coming all along.

That day during training he was quieter, and his tosses didn’t have as much energy as usual. Fujioka looked at him again and again, asking questions with his eyes, but Oikawa refused to answer.

If there was someone he would answer to, that would be Suga. Nobody else. But Suga was minding his own business, and Oikawa felt a pang in his chest. He wished Suga would notice his bad mood. He wanted him to care about him.

Suga would surely know what to say to make him feel like this wasn’t the end of the world.

When the official training session ended and everyone left, Oikawa thought the captain would give him the keys of the gymnasium. Instead, Suga offered to take them.

“You’re staying today, Suga-san?” Fujioka asked.

“I’ve already taken all my exams, so I have some time now for extra practice.”

“I envy you guys! If I didn’t have to work now, I’d join you!”

Fujioka waved goodbye and left them alone. Suddenly, the gymnasium felt too empty, the echoes resonating on the walls.

Oikawa spiked the ball with full force, feeling a sting on the palm of his hand. He heard Suga’s steps getting closer.

“You’ve been distant today, Oikawa.”

“Hmmm.”

“Don’t ‘hmmm’ me. What’s wrong?”

Oikawa picked up another ball, bounced it, and practiced his jump serve one more time. The ball hit the floor far away from where he had intended it to land.

He was losing control.

“What is it? Your grades? Did you fail your test?”

The next ball he served didn’t even make it to the other side, instead hitting the net and falling down. Oikawa swept off the sweat from his cheek, knowing that it wasn’t sweat anymore. The world was blurring now.

“Why are you crying?” Suga asked, his voice soft.

“I’m not good enough.”

“That’s not true.”

“Of course it is!” Oikawa screamed. “I can’t follow my dreams! I can’t be the best setter! I can’t pass that damn exam!” His voice lowered to a mutter: “I can’t even get that ball past the net anymore.”

“You’re frustrated, that’s why you can’t. Take a break and you’ll get your serve back. Just breathe.”

Oikawa tried to breathe, but his nose was runny and he gasped for air while he rubbed his eyes. He hadn’t cried in a long time and had forgotten how messy his sobbing could be.

“It’s just a test,” Suga said, crossing the court to pick up the balls.

For a few seconds there was silence, only broken by Suga’s steps.

“I’ve failed every exam, Koushi.”

Suga glanced at him from the other side of the net, his eyebrows knitting. He opened his mouth to say something, only to realize there was nothing that could comfort Oikawa.

Oikawa sniffed. His head hurt and his nose was stuffy, but at least tears weren’t streaming down his face anymore.

“I’m not…” He hiccupped. “I’m not that kind of genius who can memorize everything immediately and play volleyball like a god. I simply am not.”

Suga had stopped picking up the balls, keeping one under each arm.

“I’ve tried so hard to do both things at the same time, but I know I have to give up on something. I don’t have time for both. And you know… y’know what everyone says, right? That studying is the most important thing.”

Suga nodded, averting his eyes. He was biting his lip.

“I chose to study astronomy because space has always been my passion, together with volleyball. I spent hours as a kid looking at the stars, reading books on astronomy, learning the names of the constellations. I still love space, but I never thought it could be so tough —all the physics, math… When I was in high school I thought I could handle it. I’m not that bad at it. But now…”

“The shock of being one of the best students in high school until you go to college and realize you’re only average. I know that feeling,” Suga said with a bitter smile.

“I know I can succeed in an easier degree, but I don’t want to give up on my dream to become an astronomer. But…”

He looked at his hands, and realized he had picked another ball. He had always found it comforting to fiddle with a ball when he was upset.

“What I truly want to do is to become a professional player. I know getting a degree is good, and it’s always a good emergency plan, but I don’t want to give up on volleyball.”

“I think it’d be a pity if you didn’t become a professional player. All that talent wasted.”

Suga walked up to him and dropped the balls inside the cart.

“But I’m not Kageyama. I will never be a genius. What if I’m not good enough to become a professional player either?”

Before he could see it, Suga hit him on the side of his body, and Oikawa bent over, moaning.

“You’re so mean!”

“What do you mean you’re not good enough? You used to terrify every single team in the Miyagi prefecture!”

“Not Shiratorizawa!”

“Shut up! Ushijima wanted you in his team! Isn’t that enough proof that you’re good enough?”

Suga stomped away, marching like a soldier towards the rest of the balls scattered around. Oikawa followed him, still pressing his hand against his side.

“You don’t have to do everything now, Oikawa. You’re not a failure for not studying astronomy now. If you don’t take the chance to play volleyball during these years, soon you’ll become too old for it. But if you become a professional player, you can still focus on astronomy once you retire. And if you study something else now, you’ll eventually be a great player with two degrees! Who said you have to study astronomy now? You have your whole life ahead of you!”

Suga turned around to face Oikawa, raising his chin as he let his hands rest on his hips. If he was supposed to be threatening, he only made Oikawa chuckle.

“I needed to hear that. You’re wise, Koushi.”

“This has really affected you, huh? Calling me Koushi and everything,” Suga said as he bent down to get a ball.

Oikawa kneeled down to pick up a couple of them as well. As he reached his hand to get one, he bumped into Suga’s hand. As he looked to his side, Oikawa realized Suga was only a couple of centimeters away from him.

Suga’s gasp was incredibly audible in the silent gymnasium. His hand, however, didn’t move, still brushing Oikawa’s.

“Thank you for your advice, _Koushi_.”

His tongue caressed that name, and he saw Suga gulp.

“It’s going to be hard, though, because I’ll have to change universities.”

“I know,” Suga whispered, a tint of sadness on his voice.

“But you still told me to leave.”

“I want you to be happy.”

Oikawa pressed his palm against Suga’s hand, and they slowly interlaced their fingers.

“How about Daichi?”

“He left a long time ago. I’m over it now.”

“Are you?”

Suga nodded. His eyes danced around, avoiding Oikawa’s gaze, but studying everything else around them —the ceiling, the floor, the ball, their hands. Oikawa’s lips.

“Yes. I’m definitely over it.”

“And now I have to leave too. Life’s unfair.”

“I’ll get over it too.”

“So you admit it’ll break your heart.”

In the blink of an eye, Suga wrapped his free arm around Oikawa’s neck, and buried his face in his shoulder, hugging him tightly. Oikawa felt the tickle of Suga’s breath as he said:

“Yes, but if it means you’ll finally see how talented you are, it’ll be worth the pain.”

Oikawa let out a shaky breath. He slid his left arm down Suga’s back and pulled him tighter, desperate to feel their bodies together. He didn’t want to leave a single inch between them, drinking from Suga’s warmth as he heard their hearts beating in unison.

Suga turned his head, leaving a trail of tears over Oikawa’s skin, and Oikawa looked at Suga until their noses bumped. Suga immediately closed the distance, pressing his warm lips against Oikawa’s.

For a moment, Oikawa heard nothing around them, but he felt Suga’s pure love and desperation in that kiss. Oikawa didn’t want his own frustration to ruin the moment, and instead sought to comfort Suga, opening his lips to return the kiss.

Suga gasped. It was strangely satisfying for Oikawa to realize Suga hadn’t expected to be kissed back. How long had Suga liked him? How hadn’t Oikawa noticed it before? Suga hadn’t looked like he could ever get over Daichi, but maybe Oikawa wasn’t being fair to his personality. Suga had proven to be strong, a beacon of optimism who could overcome any obstacle.

An indomitable spirit.

A metallic sound crossed the gymnasium, but Oikawa ignored it, still kissing his loved one, his hands caressing Suga’s back and arm as he felt the soft tickle of Suga’s fingers playing with his hair.

Until his brain finally processed the meaning of the sound, and he jolted, breaking the kiss.

The captain was on the door, his jaw dropping.

“W-w-what…?” Oikawa stuttered, his cheeks burning.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt you… It’s just… I… forgot… something… But I’ll leave if you want!”

“No way!”

“Go get it, captain,” Suga added. He had a strange smile on his face, even if his face was red as well. “Or you’ll be late to work.”

“Sure,” Fujioka said, trotting across the gymnasium to get his jacket, carelessly laying on a corner.

On his way back, Fujioka stopped by Oikawa’s side. Oikawa was still kneeling on the floor, covering his face.

“Hey, Oikawa. Look at me.”

Oikawa looked up, feeling an overwhelming shame as he saw Fujioka’s smirk.

“I’ll never forget how you sworn that Suga’s voice was the worst in the entire universe. ‘Trust me, I’m an astronomer. We’ve received messages from aliens telling us they’re terrified to come to Earth because we allow people like Suga to sing in karaokes.’ You said that, remember?”

The smirk was wider, and Oikawa was sweating from embarrassment.

“Why are you doing this, cap…?”

Suga cackled behind them. He was standing now, his back straight and his hand on his hip.

“Do you think he noticed I was singing badly on purpose, captain?” Suga asked.

“He’s too naïve, Suga-san. Forgive him.”

Suga and the captain high-fived and Oikawa wished he could disappear off the face of the earth.

“Okay, guys, I’m leaving now. Be good.”

Fujioka waved goodbye and slammed the metal door close. Oikawa welcomed the silence, hoping it would clear his thoughts or, at least, make his embarrassment vanish.

“I think I’m going to die. That interruption…” He muttered.

“To be honest, it kind of turned me on,” Suga confessed.

Silence. So Suga was that kind of person, after all. Innocent-looking Suga was spicy as hell once you got to know him. Oikawa nodded to himself.

And then he finally processed Suga’s words.

“Wait, what?!”

But Suga simply smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I absolutely loved writing this chapter, especially Suga >:3
> 
> One chapter left!


	9. Epilogue

They had sorted it out eventually, and Suga was relieved that things had worked out. It wasn’t the ideal solution, but it was a solution, and sometimes that was enough.

Oikawa had changed universities as soon as he got the chance, leaving a broken team behind. Suga would have to rebuild it on his own, but he didn’t lose hope. Those guys had potential, and they all had learned a lot from Oikawa.

When it came to their relationship, they had tried to be chill about it. No dating or anything, since they would have to separate soon. They had kept on training together until Oikawa left, and Suga had used Oikawa’s apartment to study for his exams. It was calmer than his dorm during exam weeks.

But sometimes, during their study sessions together, Suga would take a ten minute break, and his eyes would immediately fix on Oikawa’s mouth. Oikawa would notice the attention and bite his lip. It was enough to make Suga leap over Oikawa to kiss him.

They really had tried to stay as just friends, but the heartache was too unbearable, and nights were too long.

 

Oikawa had kept the name of his new university a secret. For a while, he hadn’t revealed it in fear that he wouldn’t be admitted, but once he was sure about it, he decided to make all the preparations before telling Suga.

One week before the end of the term, Oikawa asked Suga to meet him in the park near the university. It was a beautiful day, and Oikawa had thought it would be a waste to have a conversation inside a building when they could enjoy the sweet smell of the plants around them.

Suga appeared running at top speed, eager to meet him. When he stopped in front of him, Suga gasped for air.

“Are you okay, Koushi?”

Suga nodded with a small smile.

“I thought I was late.”

“There’s no rush.”

But Suga’s stern face seemed to think otherwise.

They strolled across the park, taking in the views, and Oikawa brushed Suga’s hand.

“Can I hold your hand?”

Suga’s eyes widened.

“Sure! You never ask, though.”

“You look sad today. I was afraid you might not want to.”

His answer was to hold Oikawa’s hand tightly.

“I’m okay. And no sad speeches —let’s enjoy the time we have left.”

Suga’s optimism would always make Oikawa smile. It would have been a bitter smile, however, had he not known the truth.

“But I thought you’d want to know which university I’m going to!”

“Leave it for later. It’s not gonna change.”

Suga walked faster, dragging him along. Oikawa found his attitude infinitely amusing.

“I’m staying here,” Oikawa said anyway.

Still facing forwards, his back turned to Oikawa, Suga’s fingers tightened around Oikawa’s hand.

“Here?”

“You know that university on the other side of the river?”

Suga turned around. His face looked calm but his hand had started shaking.

“That one has a really good volleyball club, yeah! How did you get admitted in there?”

“Seems like hard work pays off after all,” Oikawa said, his smile widening.

Suga beamed with delight, the most beautiful person Oikawa had ever seen in his life. He pulled Suga into a tight hug and felt the tickle of Suga’s lips kissing his neck.

“And I’ll stay in my apartment, so you can come to study whenever you want.”

“I will,” Suga whispered.

“Seems like you won’t have a reason to be sad today after all.”

Suga laughed against his chest. It was such a pleasing feeling that Oikawa hugged him even tighter before releasing him —but Suga still kept his hands over Oikawa’s chest.

“In the end, I took your place as a setter.”

Oikawa rolled his eyes.

“That’s not true! Well, it’s kinda true, but only because I helped you!”

“You’re just jealous because I’m better than you,” Suga shrugged, and began walking, his steps light and cheerful.

“That’s so not true! After everything I’ve done for you, Mr. Refreshing!” Oikawa shouted, trotting after Suga.

But deep inside, Oikawa was proud of Suga. They had learned so much from each other that Oikawa had no doubt Suga would lead the volleyball team through the right path. And who knew? Maybe they would even make Suga captain one day.

One thing was clear in Oikawa’s mind, though: when the day came and he had to face Suga in an official match, he wouldn’t lose to Mr. Refreshing. And he would never take him to karaoke ever again.

Not in a million years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end! I hope you enjoyed reading this story! I loved writing it.
> 
> Thank you so much for every comment and kudos, and for all your patience and support!


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